Deadpool x Reader
by DarkBlossome-9391
Summary: A collection of one shots with the Reader! Forgive me if the first few chapters are a wee bit lame, I'm a little rusty with the Merc. ;


**Disclaimer: I don't own Deadpool. **

**Author's note: First Deadpool x Reader, if you guys like it please check out an old x Oc story I had written sometime ago, it's called The Mouthy Merc and the Silent Assassin. I might go back and revise it, also there are a few chapters on Deviantart but my Fanfiction has all the chapters. I really want to challenge myself guys, I have seen a lot of Alphabet challenges and stuff like that, I may do it, not sure yet though. **

Crazy is as Crazy does (What?)

Mad as a hatter? Please, there was nothing in the damn Universe that compared to the insanity of the man standing in your living room. Nothing could irritate you more than the fact that you could not explain just how the hell he found out where you lived. Of course in your line of work it was best to remain unlisted and yet somehow here he was, once again pestering you about the non-existent relationship you two were in. Your brow twitched as you tried to keep your composure, not that you didn't find him annoying at least a little but your day was already one huge mess and the only thing you really wanted more than blow a hole in the Mouthy Moron's face was to wind down in some way or another. "What do you want Deadpool?" You asked gritting your teeth. His expression quickly morphed into confusion, "Are you upset Babe?", he asked poking your cheek. If only you had laser vision or something like that, you'd melt him down with the glare you were throwing in his direction. Slapping his hand away you asked, "What gave it away? And don't call me babe," you growled folding your arms across your chest. His expression twisted into a disgusted pout, "Why must you always be sooo mean?" He asked throwing his hands onto his hips dramatically. "What damn delusional world are you living in that we're an item? Why don't you just fuck off and leave me in peace?" You snapped. A flash of hurt glossed those white lenses, but as always he bounced back like hard pitched rubber ball. "Are you just PMSing" he asked in a baby tone. "That's it!" You roared and tackled him. "I'll kill you, I don't know how but I WILL KILL YOU!" You screamed.

Curse him and the day you met. Damn him and his stupid powers. Fuck! He is such a perv, only acting nice once he found out you were a girl. All men are the same, they only think about one thing and they'd do anything to get it. Your arms had began to ache, your chest hurt as your heart thundered in the ivory cage, your vision blurred and there was a roaring in your ears. What were you doing? Breathing heavily you let your head drop, shoulders quaking as your eyes burned. "Better?" A voice softly asked. Cringing you opened your eyes, (e/c) mixing with the white orbs staring back. Right, you were attacking the guy who somehow found and got into your apartment. Why did you hate him so much? Was he really like all the other men you've encountered? Sure he is perverted, loud, obnoxious, crazy, one track minded, but it could be worse. He may have made a pass or two at you but was it all that bad? Unlike many others he takes rejection in stride, probably because it happens often enough, but he'd never over stepped any bounds, never tried to force it and stuck around... no matter how angry, crazy, mean, or how many times you rejected him. "Are you okay?" He asked in a strangely serious and concerned tone. You tried to answer but your words caught in your throat, a large lump blocked any sound from coming forth and your eyes stung as if threatening to cry. But why? You're fine, right? He tightened his grip on your wrists, you hadn't noticed or cared to question just when he had grabbed them, surprise over took you when he'd tugged you to lay on top of him. Somehow you were too drained to protest or care. Your nose crinkled at the smell of the gross taco sauce emanating from his suit.

Meeting him wasn't so bad. Though it wasn't exactly story book nor good to remember you lost a contract to him. That night a lot of things changed, for instance you were followed around by a love sick puppy, a deadly, murderous, immortal, love stuck puppy. He released your wrists and wrapped his arms around you, keeping you pinned to his rather firm torso, what else did you expect right? Truth is you don't even remember why you were mad in the first place, somehow just being in his arms makes you feel a hell of a lot better. The feel of his chest rising and falling as he breathed is just so calming. Nuzzling into his chest you sighed, your eye twitched slightly as you relaxed into his embrace. "What am I doing?" You thought to yourself. "Shh It's all alright now love," He cooed while petting your (h/c) hair. Taking a deep breath you allowed yourself to fall limp, nodding you murmured," Mhm". "Seriously what the fuck?" You questioned knitting your brows. "Hey writer shut the fuck up," He growled. "What?" You asked lifting your head from his chest to look him in the eye. Clearing his throat he tugged on the collar of his suit, "Uh heh nothing," he chuckled nervously. (FIX IT.) You both stared into each other's eyes for a moment, your cheeks flushing at the intensity of his gaze. "Wh-what is coming over?" You asked your own thoughts, racking your brain you desperately searched for answers. Were you feeling alright? Under normal circumstances you'd continue barking at him and demanding he leave you alone but... it is like you were falling under some sort of spell. Your hands began to tremble as they rose to his mask, pulling it up over the bridge of his nose, exposing his mouth.

The World, Universe, hell the damn Creator would have to be damn crazy to think this was going to happen. "No, no, NO! What the hell is going on?" Your mind screamed as you both leaned in. A bolt of electricity shot through you as your lips touched, meshing together like perfectly placed cogs, your eyes closing and your mouth agape as his tongue darted to explore. Gripping a handful of your (h/l) hair as he deepened the kiss, he gave it a slight tug earning a moaning from you. Your face was on fire, your mind spinning but your body was acting on it's own and try as you might you can't stop it. You must be losing it, allowing yourself to fall prey to your rival, but crazy is as crazy does. "What?" You asked yourself pulling away. "Are you okay?" He asked. "What the..." You began but stopped, the words slipping far from your mind and being tossed to the void. Fuck it. Leaning forward you sent your lips crashing down onto his. Deepening the kiss you wrestled his tongue for dominance, losing. Perhaps this whole time you were angry because subconsciously you had been harboring a crush on the psychopath you were currently laying atop of. Sure he has flaws, don't we all? Sides let's not forget all the good things about him, he is funny, skilled, popular, rich, extremely good looking, (help me) and great in bed. Yeah, you have to be crazy to fall in love with him and it damn well seems you were. Sitting up you smirked down at him, sliding your hands up his chest, gripping his shoulders while you grind against him. Biting your lip as your breaths grew heavy, leaning down slowly you kissed up his neck, tracing his jaw before reaching his ear and screaming.

Eyes snapping open, he let out a groan as he found himself laying face down on his couch. "Damn you writer!" He shouted skyward. (Suck it. Just kidding! I love you please don't kill me. .) Sighing he rolled off, falling onto the floor with a loud thud. "One of these days my sweet and sour lengua," he purred holding onto a photo. Grabbing a stack of scribbled on papers he smiled ear to ear, "Whelp we got an appointment to keep." He sang as he headed for the door. Wait what? "Hopefully this'll make as much of a bang as my game, ha ha!" He laughed exiting the apartment. Of course his work will always be appreciated and there is no one who could quite do it justice. However I am very honored to have been given the opportunity, hope my lovely readers will enjoy the one shot. More definitely to come.

**Please be a little nice, it has been a while since I have written for Deadpool. Anyway hope you guys enjoyed!**

**Thanks for reading and please do leave a comment! Hope you enjoyed my reader insert and let me know what you think! ^-^ **


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